01/20/09 : NOTORIOUS (THE MOVIE REVIEW)

Why there was a need to make a movie about the Notorious BIG, I’m not sure. Aside from rapping and making 52 songs in his entire life, the man had no real role in society or major contribution to this world. So I downloaded the Notorious movie to check out this so called fairy tale of Biggie. Although, fact is, I watched this story unfold in real life so I can easily compare real to fake. 

The movie starts off with the death of Biggie followed by Biggie growing up and countless scenes of teenage Biggie selling crack, fool please. Angela Basset plays Mrs. Wallace and has a wack ass jafakin accent, shit was horrible. Then she calls the pieces of crack under Big’s bed “mashed potatoes”, right I’m sure that happened. Mrs. Wallace is so innocent and doesn’t know what crack is. 

This movie is somewhat of an insult to the fans of hip hop, not sure if this was a comedy or what, but it was funny as hell seeing wack ass Gravy try to impersonate Biggie. Then they have some little kid jocking the hell out of Biggie playing Lil’ Cease lookin 12 years old. Maybe they should have put this scene from Lil Cease in the movie…

Yes that is Lil’ Cease dancing naked for a room of cheering men and 1 girl. Funny how he shows no attention to the female, but gets excited as the men cheer him on and say “let the monkey out!” I’m just posting the screen shot from it, but the video is on the net if you google.

Moving on to the one and only Puff Daddy P Diddy Puff Man. Of course this fool looking like Chamare Moore in the damn movie. When in reality he was a bucktoothed beaver lookin back up dancer for Heavy D who dressed in hockey jerseys and baseball caps. I would have preferred this movie to have Dave Chappelle’s Diddy…

Then they show Biggie running from the cops. I thought big boy was going to have a fat attack right then and there. They catch Biggie on a gun charge, and he doesn’t snitch. Maybe they should mention the time they were all kicking it in the studio in New York, Cease, Biggie, Kim, Pac, and the cops caught them with illegal firearms with the serial numbers scratched off and all them snitched except Pac. 2Pac took the charge for them all, that wasn’t mentioned. 

Lil Kim was pissed about the movie because they got the girl from 3LW to play her and make her look like a hoe. Well news flash to Kim, you are a hoe. Naming your first album Hardcore and getting your stomach pumped from too much semen doesn’t help your case Kim. Plus the girl from 3LW looks way better than Kim. Oh and the part with Biggie rapping and Faith beat boxing was just freakin cute. Too bad she was probably sleeping with 2Pac and a gang of other men during that same time.

“If Faith had kids she’d probably have two Pacs, get it? 2 Pac’s?” — Notorious BIG 1996

Then cue 2Pac! In comes some douche bag eddie murphy lookin guy wearing a beanie that says THUG LIFE on it. Oh, well that must be him. He looked more like Fedro Starr or Sticky Fingaz than 2pac. And since the 1st 2pac shooting in the movie they make it look like Biggie and Puffy are a bunch of angels. Since the time Pac entered the film, him and Biggie had some type of Bromance going on, which was madd homo, pause. Then who the hell was Suge Knight? Some big ass wrestling lookin guy with a red button up, oh that must be him. I thought it was DJ Enuff. Ridiculous man. Only part I enjoyed is when they played Hit Em Up for fake Gravy Biggie. 

The worst and worst part of this shit hole of a movie is when 2pac gets killed and Biggie, Puffy, and Lil Cease all cry. Yeah I’m sure they were heart broken. 

What a piece of giraffe shit. I can hear Puffy taking peoples money saying “take dat, take dat, take dat”. This movie gives a false representation of what Biggie was to this generation of Hip Hop. They should have put computer generated graphics in this movie cuz nobody looked like they were supposed to…

It was like a bad broadway play, with shitty dialogue, and bad acting. I’m glad they didn’t put Nas in it because they’d probably cast Terry Crews as Nas…

So in conclusion, I bet Biggie and 2Pac are spinning in their graves right now watching this crappy bioptic of their lives. It was nothing but a Puffy run Biggie dick sucking contest and it was bad. You’ll see this garbage at Walgreens for 99 cents on DVD in a year or so or on BET’s Blackbuster of the week. While looking at the movies that the cast of Notorious has acted in, I came across this list…Beauty Shop, Air Buds, The New Guy, and Kazaam. Kazaam, with Shaq. Case closed.

So save your money and stay away from this shit omlette wrapped in a chalupa of a movie. When it hits DVD make sure to catch the deleted scenes of Puffy wiping his ass with the script. 

NOTORIOUS FAIL. And I’m out.

4 Responses to “01/20/09 : NOTORIOUS (THE MOVIE REVIEW)”

  1. Chris Says:

    Lulz.

    Well said, mayne. That first paragraph was the most brutally honest description of Chris Wallace’s 24 years I’ve probably ever read. What a breath of fresh air.

  2. Carrie Says:

    If this was a chalupa of a movie then Biggie would probably eat it and then some.

  3. Margarita Says:

    damn i am mos def not gonna see this then, haha!!

  4. Kayana Says:

    This movie be on pop…I saw it Mega times, even Behind the Scenes in B.I.G

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